My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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