i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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