he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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