Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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