I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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