I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
