we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
