my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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