I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
