did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
