My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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