We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
