so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
