Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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