Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
