I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
