i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
