Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
