Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
