A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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