Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
