my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
