Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
