i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
