I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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