I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it's like iHOP with fire
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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