oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
