I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
