Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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