Dude my mom stole all your condoms
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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