update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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