What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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