Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She needs sedatives and a leash
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
