I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
