Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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