Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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