She's JV to your varsity
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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