i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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