no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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