I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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