I just gift wrapped bread.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
