I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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