I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
