I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
