Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
