i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
