They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
