Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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