Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
