Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
