I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
