Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
