she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
