Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
