is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
