at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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