I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dicks are not precious.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
