so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling are messing with the penis
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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