You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
