Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
