Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
