Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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