if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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