i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
