Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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