i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
