Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize