she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
